6am Write

I have a reminder on my daily calendar to write at 6am. I never do that. I barely get up at 6am, so why do I still keep it on my calendar? I like the reminder. Even if I don't do it everyday at 6am, I know that that part of me still exists. My writer, although not a full time worker, is always 'writing.' I know that writing is like bathing, tooth-brushing, and eating for me. I think about it all the time, I love it when I do it, and it brings me a comfort that nothing else can.

I met with the 'editor' and I'm going to hopefully do a local blurb for her (she's writing the national article). I'm into the idea of writing nationally. I really want to be a writer. There is a point where I will try to sabotage, but I have already agreed to let go at that point and let my guides, whoever they are, help me. I need to let writing enter the spiritual world, because it is a spiritual act and if I think I can control it, then I will be sad and unhappy...constantly pushing away the thing I crave.

As of late, I have been writing a lot regarding my physical life. I mentioned that I'm in OA and that I've started writing about my experiences. That has been an amazing tool. If you don't write or feel like a writer, I can only say that simply sitting down to handwrite or type your feelings, experiences, questions, etc is an invaluable tool. If you never look at it again, that's fine, because really, it's about bringing the thoughts, ideas, fears, out of your head and into the world to be dealt with. Truly amazing. OA is big on sponsorship and while I go through the painstaking process of finding a sponsor, I love that I can write for support. It's a bit solitary, but that's okay right now. In due time I will be all up in someone's grill, and they in mine, and until then, writing is good for me.

I have been getting paid higher amounts for my web content. While it still isn't a lot, it's good to get paid more than $5 for an article. I'm writing better articles too. More in-depth. :)

At this point I feel like I am in motion. Not like I am close to a destination, but I feel like several parts of my life and working and moving forward, versus spinning wheels or at a complete standstill. It's a nice feeling. It sure as hell isn't a familiar feeling. I believe it has to do with the lack of sugar and chocolate in my life. Every time I look at an alluring hot cocoa or cookie, I think, "Do I want to go back to a standstill? Or am I willing to give up the forward motion?" The answer is usually no. There are times when I get scared of the forward motion, but alas, it's all good, and I regain some sort of understanding that food is not where my life is at anymore. There's so much out there!

The Spirit of Writing

I've written about this before but here's a different take.

I'm in Brussels right now, staying with a friend. I have no idea what really brought me to Europe other than my friend. She's a great person so that should be enough, eh? But there is something spiritual about this place. It's the same as love, I cannot describe it but being here just feels right.

Writing brings me to that place sometimes, but I need to reconnect with some of the physicality of spirituality, y'know? There is something that we grasp for in the spirit world that is accessed through the physical world. This is something I do a lot in Europe. What is it? I don't know. But I know that it fills my spiritual well to be here. I like that. There is something historical and ancestral about being here that I adore.

There is an element of my writing that really enjoys the background of Europe. It could be that I am outside my own daily life. It could be that I am surrounded by culture even if I am not looking for it. It could be the simplicity. Sure they have shops and things like we do. But we saw a doctor today after we called for a last minute appointment. We went to her office, which was not in a medical park, it was off the street. And she didn't have a receptionist. She just had a nice quaint office. Like it was normal! I love it. I love it. I can't help it. I won't help it! Living here may take away the quaintness of it, which might be necessary to keep me grounded, but man, I don't care. I want to live here to see what it's like daily.

Writing is the way I access the spirit and the Spirit is the way I access my writing. They go hand in hand and it's good. They feed each other. I can access Spirit here very easily. Is it possible at home? I must make it so. This is nice every once in a while, but it's an expensive spiritual habit. Perhaps I need to call to God more often when I sit down to write.
And I need to do more energy work to maintain the higher vibration. I must remember the higher vibration thing. It's necessary for me to progress through life.

Perhaps more later. It's good to be here though.

Published Again!

Writing web content is strangely satisfying because it's almost instant gratification. I wrote a piece on How to Have a Green Valentine's Day. Click on the Associated Content link on the right side ---> and then look at my published pieces. It was a good article, I thought. Hopefully I will be able to use a few ideas for my own Valentine's Day which normally I hate, but my ideas made it a bit more exciting.

I've been in Brussels for the past few days. Although the weather has been stormy, I rather like it. There's something comforting about being here. Can't seem to put my finger on it. Maybe later tonight I'll sit and write about it. I really love it here. Even if I don't go out and don't speak the languages. The fact that there is history and new things is quite nice. The buildings are not excavated to make room for condos. The flats are really nice. I really like the way people live. It's usually quite simple, to be honest, and I like it.

I'm investigating sustainability for an editor in Seattle (did I mention this?) and although I am not getting the interviews I hoped for, I am still able to pay attention to the fact that sustainability is so different here. No one thinks they are sustainable and yet there they are with their front loading washer and dryer, minimal electrical appliances, lack of microwaves, recycling in the subway (!), and triple-glazed windows. Y'know, if that's all we did in the US, we'd be ahead of the sustainability game. I mean the whole US, not just Seattle, San Francisco and New York. So there's that. I'll write more later.
If I didn't mention this, I want to say now that I am talking to the editor of Conscious Choice and while there are no definites, there is ample possibility. I am eager to write more about the changes a few people can participate in so that it becomes trendy even. No big things have to happen. Just a few things here and there for each person. Better lights/lamps, less crap, more human interaction. I just love it here.

Anyway, more later, with proper time to go into detail. Must get some things down at some point.

Meditation in Our Step Out Into the Sun

Meditation huh?
Josh just recommended I read #10 in "As Bill Sees It" (an AA text for daily meditations).

"Constructive meditation is the first requirement for each new step in our spiritual growth."

I'm not sure what is exactly meant by "constructive meditation" but alas, it doesn't really matter, right? Time alone to sit with myself and be loving, gentle and observant seems like enough.

My first meeting was intense. I wasn't nervous until people started sharing and I noticed I was nodding and smiling in agreement. We read the first step and man! That was like "Hello, and welcome to this part of your life that you neglect!" I can see how easy it is to be in denial. Most people may not even know they are in denial. I didn't.

While I am almost certain (I'm afraid to be certain for sure!) that food has been a way to slow myself down, I don't want to turn this into my OA blog. I will link to it so that you can keep up to date but don't have to read my constant process update. I understand that it can be tiring to hear about each food I decided not to eat every day. :)

I am going to Brussels on Monday and I'm taking the laptop so that I may write to my heart's content about life in Europe and sustainability. It'll be interesting for sure.

Anyway, I am definitely interested in how different my life can be once I start looking at the shadows. Shedding light on the dark parts will probably give me more energy to deal with everyday stuff. I am looking forward to that.

Patience, My Friend

I have to write about this because I recently saw the first DVD of Buckminster Fuller's "Lost Interviews." He says at one point that for the first 30 years or so of his life, people were telling him what to think. Then one day he realized that they were wrong. So he started to think for himself. He explained this process innocently and simply. He decided that other people didn't know his life better than he did so he started to think for himself. While I have always struggled with this idea, it was nice to hear one of my heroes mirror my sentiments. I have tried to listen to others many times throughout my life and finally, I have decided, in all matters, that listeninig to others only wastes time because I listen then I follow then I have to reconcile myself with something I may not (and usually don't) agree with and then I have to come back to myself. I could skip all the steps in between and immediately come back to myself and therefore save time.
What I'm getting at is that I'm going to call a friend/acquaintance this morning, who works for a magazine I'd like to write for, and we'll be discussing possible assignments.
Now, many people have been putting the pressure on me to write write write. And I love the support. But what I felt is that it was supposed to be MY power that published my writing.
Really, my writing is just my writing. I can hawk it to others, but it has to be a symbiotic relationship. That's a matter of timing.

But the timing isn't under my control. It's just the natural order of things. Busting down a door isn't always necessary to gain entry and I find that sometimes a casual knock will work just fine. I got my job that way. I found my husband that way. I met this editor that way. It's not that I can discard the natural order and impose my own willpower and the world will cater to me. I am learning that in many areas of my life now. All I can simply do is get myself to a place where I can see the opportunities when they come a 'knockin'.

So it's a big deal that this editor wants to talk to me. I'm stoked. It could be a break for me. It may show me some personal challenge. But ultimately, it's my next step.

I've been writing for the content website (check the link on this site!) and although I am told that they pay very little, I don't care. It's a way to start seeing the strands of energy connect value with my writing and that's good enough for me right now. It doesn't mean I don't want more, but I am okay with the first steps. Usually I get frustrated because I wonder why The New Yorker isn't calling me up, begging for my work. I forget that writers are an interesting bunch and it takes time to be discovered and at the same time, it takes time to develop my craft. I'm not ready for the New Yorker. I just got an office 3 months ago. I need the pacing to match me otherwise I will miss the miracle of process. I need process in my life. I enjoy it. I reflect on it. It's a good, helpful part of my life. So of course I won't be able to be discovered overnight. I don't like moving that fast.

Maybe it's in our thirties that we realize listening to other people isn't even necessary. I mean, their point of view for their life is great. Good stories, very revealing, etc. When it comes to my life though, it's best to try things out the way I am moved to. I feel as though I can avoid mistakes if I follow someone else's guidelines, but really, sometimes those are the mistakes I need to make, so following someone else simply shortcuts me out of my life experiences.

One thing I have been thinking about is having kids. There are all these people that have led lives in one way or another and they have good advice. But there are times when my heart has to say, "That's good for YOU, but I am looking for something else." It's hard. I feel a bit lonely when I hear myself say that. But at the same time, I know that if I don't heed myself, my heart, my Spirit, my Self, then I will be more sad and things will have to be corrected anyhow. And I was saved nothing.

The moral for me is to listen to myself. I have enough access to Universal Wisdom that I don't feel I will lead myself astray.

I'll be going to my first Overeaters Anon. meeting tonight. I'm a bit scared, but honestly, it's a good move for me. I am looking for some deep personal work to support the denied shadow aspects in my life. I feel as though it'll be good to start uncovering things that are starting to actively weigh me down. This goes along the same idea that if I listen to everyone and their special diets and try to follow along, then all will be well. I realize that while I may look good for a week or so, and feel better for a bit longer, that I will fall back into my patterns if I don't spend some time looking at the patterns. This is a process that only I can do. I can watch others, of course, but the work is all mine. Which I am thankful for. I've been in therapy enough to know that no matter how much you talk, words may not dig deep enough. And an hour a week is not enough time to devote to my spiritual well-being.

I've submitted a few pieces already to Associated Content while I write bigger things for other mags. If you have any topic ideas, feel free to pass them along. My passion is writing about green/sustainable things, but there's a huge range in that. I'm especially interested in writing about lifestyle changes in the green world. I love the simplicity movement but I know there can be a gap between the SUV driving, barely recycling, processed food buying folks and those that grind their own grains, breastfeed for 3+ years, and wear all biodegradable clothing. That's what I hope to write about soon!

Anyway, I just wanted to share those thoughts. I apologize that this blog is published so sporatically. I write two other blogs, as well as content and emails galore so hopefully you can understand.

See you next time!