Patience, My Friend

I have to write about this because I recently saw the first DVD of Buckminster Fuller's "Lost Interviews." He says at one point that for the first 30 years or so of his life, people were telling him what to think. Then one day he realized that they were wrong. So he started to think for himself. He explained this process innocently and simply. He decided that other people didn't know his life better than he did so he started to think for himself. While I have always struggled with this idea, it was nice to hear one of my heroes mirror my sentiments. I have tried to listen to others many times throughout my life and finally, I have decided, in all matters, that listeninig to others only wastes time because I listen then I follow then I have to reconcile myself with something I may not (and usually don't) agree with and then I have to come back to myself. I could skip all the steps in between and immediately come back to myself and therefore save time.
What I'm getting at is that I'm going to call a friend/acquaintance this morning, who works for a magazine I'd like to write for, and we'll be discussing possible assignments.
Now, many people have been putting the pressure on me to write write write. And I love the support. But what I felt is that it was supposed to be MY power that published my writing.
Really, my writing is just my writing. I can hawk it to others, but it has to be a symbiotic relationship. That's a matter of timing.

But the timing isn't under my control. It's just the natural order of things. Busting down a door isn't always necessary to gain entry and I find that sometimes a casual knock will work just fine. I got my job that way. I found my husband that way. I met this editor that way. It's not that I can discard the natural order and impose my own willpower and the world will cater to me. I am learning that in many areas of my life now. All I can simply do is get myself to a place where I can see the opportunities when they come a 'knockin'.

So it's a big deal that this editor wants to talk to me. I'm stoked. It could be a break for me. It may show me some personal challenge. But ultimately, it's my next step.

I've been writing for the content website (check the link on this site!) and although I am told that they pay very little, I don't care. It's a way to start seeing the strands of energy connect value with my writing and that's good enough for me right now. It doesn't mean I don't want more, but I am okay with the first steps. Usually I get frustrated because I wonder why The New Yorker isn't calling me up, begging for my work. I forget that writers are an interesting bunch and it takes time to be discovered and at the same time, it takes time to develop my craft. I'm not ready for the New Yorker. I just got an office 3 months ago. I need the pacing to match me otherwise I will miss the miracle of process. I need process in my life. I enjoy it. I reflect on it. It's a good, helpful part of my life. So of course I won't be able to be discovered overnight. I don't like moving that fast.

Maybe it's in our thirties that we realize listening to other people isn't even necessary. I mean, their point of view for their life is great. Good stories, very revealing, etc. When it comes to my life though, it's best to try things out the way I am moved to. I feel as though I can avoid mistakes if I follow someone else's guidelines, but really, sometimes those are the mistakes I need to make, so following someone else simply shortcuts me out of my life experiences.

One thing I have been thinking about is having kids. There are all these people that have led lives in one way or another and they have good advice. But there are times when my heart has to say, "That's good for YOU, but I am looking for something else." It's hard. I feel a bit lonely when I hear myself say that. But at the same time, I know that if I don't heed myself, my heart, my Spirit, my Self, then I will be more sad and things will have to be corrected anyhow. And I was saved nothing.

The moral for me is to listen to myself. I have enough access to Universal Wisdom that I don't feel I will lead myself astray.

I'll be going to my first Overeaters Anon. meeting tonight. I'm a bit scared, but honestly, it's a good move for me. I am looking for some deep personal work to support the denied shadow aspects in my life. I feel as though it'll be good to start uncovering things that are starting to actively weigh me down. This goes along the same idea that if I listen to everyone and their special diets and try to follow along, then all will be well. I realize that while I may look good for a week or so, and feel better for a bit longer, that I will fall back into my patterns if I don't spend some time looking at the patterns. This is a process that only I can do. I can watch others, of course, but the work is all mine. Which I am thankful for. I've been in therapy enough to know that no matter how much you talk, words may not dig deep enough. And an hour a week is not enough time to devote to my spiritual well-being.

I've submitted a few pieces already to Associated Content while I write bigger things for other mags. If you have any topic ideas, feel free to pass them along. My passion is writing about green/sustainable things, but there's a huge range in that. I'm especially interested in writing about lifestyle changes in the green world. I love the simplicity movement but I know there can be a gap between the SUV driving, barely recycling, processed food buying folks and those that grind their own grains, breastfeed for 3+ years, and wear all biodegradable clothing. That's what I hope to write about soon!

Anyway, I just wanted to share those thoughts. I apologize that this blog is published so sporatically. I write two other blogs, as well as content and emails galore so hopefully you can understand.

See you next time!