Cooked Food and Social Time

Since being mostly raw for several months now, I regularly struggle with how to be with my friends and family and not eat cooked food.
This weekend we said goodbye to friends of ours who are moving away and I went out to Tango and it was really delicious food. But of course most of it was cooked and I gave in to tasting a variety of things. I felt like crap afterward and had TERRIBLE gas for many hours.
Luckily, the next day I didn't feel too hungry and I abstained from eating breakfast and lunch so that I could clean out a bit.
This is indicative of an internal struggle I have between not wanting to rock the boat and listening to what my body and spirit want. I wanted to be with my friends but I hate the idea that I seem to only eat salad and that it draws attention. I try to eat ahead of time so that I am not hungry, but I think I get socially hungry and want to try things and fit in. No one makes me feel bad, but I just want to participate.
I went to dinner a while ago with friends and the restaurant owner made a bigger deal about eating raw than I felt comfortable with. I must say my desire to eat out is declining, but my desire to be with others is increasing...hence the struggle.
We hope to have more potlucks so that it's easier to eat without the shenanigans and then we'll still get to hang out with our friends.

Process, process, process

Maybe it's the Vitamin D I am taking, or the jolts of inspiration that I get from friends, family, husband and podcasts, but I am feeling optimistic.
About what?
Well, I don't know, actually. Usually the limbo feeling makes me CRAZY and I don't like being there, but after some realization that my dreamed of "golden ticket" is really not the best way for me to pursue my dreams, ideas have been trickling in.
For instance: I like to write. I don't do it enough. I am bogged down by the idea that I either AM or AM NOT a writer. Forget the proof of my writing existing, I am worried about labels. And agents. And book deals. Stuff that I'm not even close to at the moment. I don't write because I haven't written. Yikes. But in the end, words still make it to paper, I still love it, and it's something that can make big money or little money and I know I can do it.
#2 I feel and usually am creative. I have good (read: artistic and inspired) ideas. They come to me like they come to other successful people: in the shower, on the toilet, in the morning, on the bus. I see them, I like them, other people like them. And then somewhere they get lost in the shuffle. But they still come. Since I can remember. They probably came before I can remember.
#3 I have resources. I read a lot. I know people. I am persuasive. I am passionate. I have a lot of energy. I connect with the Divine Universe. I'm smart. All these things are necessary in being successful, to me.
#4 No matter how many times my logical mind wants to shut down the operation of pursuing my dreams, the rest of me comes back, either with a sneak attack or an idea or whatever. I can't keep myself from dreaming and wanting to pursue the dreams.

This should all culminate in something big, yes? Of course. My life!
I want to own my own business. I have in the past (and technically, on paper, I still do) but I want to provide quality goods/services to others and add valuable experiences to their lives. Our wedding was a great example. I had fun planning and attending the wedding because not only was it MY wedding, but it was fun, creative, experiential, and all my favorite people were there. I want MORE of that. More intention, more depth, more fun, more enjoyment of life. It was only for 3 days, and we had TONS of help, but it was SO fulfilling. I really liked that part. I got to be creative, social, spiritual, and of course see and hang out with all my friends and family. I got to know people better and it was simply the best weekend ever.
It was a good microcosm of what's possible. We had HIGH hopes and they were met time and again. I am inspired to keep with that theme. Sure, we could've gotten a wedding planner to do it all, and then sat back and watched it unfold. But it would NOT have been as much fun. And we wouldn't have learned as much for sure.

I tend to get caught up in details: "I can't do that because I don't know X" or "To have a business in X, I have to have experience in X." Many excuses (on repeat) come to mind. But if I quiet that annoying voice of naysaying for a second, I hear the other voice of hope and possibility. "One step at a time" or "You don't have to do it all alone" or " That's a great idea!"
I like that voice much better.

I don't know what's next, quite honestly. I think maybe feeling more hopeful was next and then I could move forward. I want to simply start to let the good feelings flow more. Sure, owning a business is hard. It's even harder if I do it alone. It's harder still if I always think that it will stay hard. :)

There is no golden ticket. Just moving forward with ideas. I can be creative and write and stay at my job and pursue other business ideas. I can continue to do Reiki. It's not that hard. I can do as much or as little as I like. I want to do more than one thing, so that I am able to keep all my interests in my life.

Letting go of old habits, thought patterns, etc is a challenge, but it's worth it!

Clarity

So I made a big deal about writing an article, and it turns out I don't really care for journalism so much. While the article is "okay" it doesn't really speak the experiences I've been having. Interviewing top raw food people in the movement has been extremely enlightening and really moving. The article doesn't show that. It's a typical piece: hook, history, story, opposing side, appropriate ending. It's dry and filled with quotes instead of reflections. It's probably informative but also superficial. Oh well.

I learned that writing is much bigger than that. What drew me to writing for this magazine was the $ and the ease of submission and that I knew the editor. None of those things are really good things to write for. What drew me to the subject was how people changed with raw food and the article doesn't reflect that. Food is becoming a spiritual aspect of daily life and I really dig that.
So I may not write for the mag again and/or probably won't pursue journalistic style writing/pieces again. I write from experience, and I enjoy it, and I believe it's good writing. I'm not closing all the doors, but I'm more selective now.

This process was brutal. I've never felt so much self-doubt regarding writing before and it was interesting to see what happened. Plus, my relationship with the editor has completely eroded. I don't like being micro-managed, it seems. I should've written the article first, then submitted it, and if she didn't like it, gone somewhere else. Now I know.

I also learned that my enthusiasm and excitement for the world around me is more important than making money. Writing is simply a tool to express myself, it is not the way I earn a living. I have a job. What I need to remember is that loving life is a good occupation and abundance comes from many places that I don't yet know about. :)