A nice dream

I had a dream last night where I was walking in this boutique-like market place. Upscale hippies, if you will. All clothes colorful, natural, and well-made. I was admiting this mustard yellow wool hat and the family at the booth was talking quietly, smiling at me and each other, and adjusting various items to look busy. I picked up the hat, fingering the softness of the wool felt. I don't wear hats regularly unless it's cold, but this was a NICE hat. Felt like the love was blended right into it.
So I started telling this family that I liked their stuff. The woman said, "Thank you." Then I asked if she made all the items, and she nodded with such pride! Then she told me that she was the sole bread-winner and the four person family thrived on her income from selling these amazing pieces. "Really?" I asked. The whole family nodded.
I felt such a warmth inside me at that point.
Of course then I woke up, but it was such an amazing feeling!
The part of me that adored my same ol' pattern of trying for a bit and then giving up after I'd barraged myself with enough negative self-talk is dying away. She has long out-stayed her welcome. Even when Josh says I should focus more on writing, I feel the pang of my hand being busy creating SOMETHING. I guess it's easy to tell myself it's not worth it. But I miss being in the studio. I dream about making clothes. I dream about an awesome studio space where I am inspired, drinking mug o' tea and trying different color combos. I don't care about making money at this point. I just want to be in the studio and make stuff. Give it to friends, sell a few things online, who knows?

I had a Reiki session tonight and that's another thing I really like. I don't want to have to pick one thing to do. I just want to do it all. Little bits as I go.

So the dream ignited the spark AGAIN and maybe this time, as I am learning about taking care of myself and my NEEDS (of which creativity ranks very high in the whole scheme of things) and listening to that inner voice say "It's okay, just make something."

On that note, it's important, when taking care of my inner child, to listen to her ask for what she DOES want and not only what she doesn't want. And if I am having trouble with motivation or will or self-esteem, it's a good time to turn it over to God.

In OA there's a lot of talk about turning the bad stuff over to God to help us deal with it. But why not also the good stuff? Can't I get some help from the Universe in pursuit of my dreams as well? Of course I can. So I meditate on getting myself to the studio and letting the Universal Inspiration flow through me. I don't care what comes out, just want to keep my hands moving.

And also, want to keep writing. I'm going to the raw potluck this weekend and then I will pitch the article to Ritzy. I also want to start submitting to The Sun and other mags. :) So I need help with that too...