The Setting

I wrote earlier about having the write tools (ha!). Very important. And second, I have to have the write setting. Although I have been known to write in cafes, barbershops, on buses, etc., I really like to write in the morning, in the quiet of my space. I've been housesitting for the past couple of day and I really enjoy the aspect of a simple, quiet, non-distracting space to write. I've housesat at several other places and the same is true. It's great to be able to have the mornings to write, have a nice place that doesn't have things that call to me, and be surrounded by a new collection of books. That's always a bonus. Different things to read. That's why I like the library. I can read new things all the time.

So about the process: After writing a little about the sexual abuse I have given myself a little break before I go back and write even deeper. I know that it's necessary for me to go into the places that I fear the most, but also important is the way I care for myself when I write. There is no rush, no expected outcome (like publishing or sending a letter), and no need to uncover all of it at once. It takes time. It takes some self-trust too. It's good to start the process before I get married, because it inevitably will be coming up after the wedding to be dealt with. This way, I feel prepared somewhat and have begun to use writing as a way of healing. Talk therapy is great for some things. But writing has always helped me with things that I just want to work through on my own, in my own time. Therapy has a beginning and an end and involves payment and those things can muddy up the experience somewhat.

Getting married is a rich topic too. As the day approaches I find that my dreams are getting richer (and being in another house I think helps me remember the dreams). I don't always remember the circumstances, but I feel present in the dreams. I had one a few nights ago where I was asserting my space, which is perfect for this time in my life. Writing-wise, marriage-wise, timeline-wise. We're talking about buying land as well, which is something I hadn't been considering a month ago and it feels good to exploremy desires to own and create a sustainable place where I (we) can live lightly, and have our own space, and do it affordably.
All the wedding details are coming together. The dress doesn't have to be remade. Apparently the first draft was a pretty good draft (!). The groom's attire is almost done (I'm going out today to find a shirt with french cuffs instead of buttoned cuffs). We have our rings, next week we'll write our vows, we're meeting with folks to get things planned, it's all coming together nicely. People are RSVPing. I'm getting excited. Josh is getting excited. We'll actually be married in two months! We'll be in SF in two months!

There will be a big chunk of time where I'm not working (wedding+honeymoon) and I want that to be a transition for me regarding what I spend my time doing. I've debated with people about working for a writing/publishing place while I discover my own writing voice. Some claim that will get me closer to my profession and others claim it will dissapate my writing energy. I believe the latter. If I am writing for someone else, it usually drains me too much to sit and write for myself. But on the other hand, I am interested in working a bit closer to my field (and I'd like to stop doing manual labor). I know I get paid well working for myself, but for the most part, I'm tired of it, my body is tired of it, and I want to spend more time writing. At this point, I'm just ready for something more. Although, I don't want to work FT, and I want a flexible schedule. I suppose it's up to me to start freelancing. I have to sell my work. I have to write profitable work. I want to set that as my intention. I intend to start writing about important, relevant topics and selling my work to magazines. That's part of my ritual and routine, once a week I have to write about something that affects others. Maybe the rest of my writing time today I will come up with things/topics/magazines that can go together. So that I can reach into a file, pull up a topic and write about that.
Okay, off I go.