Friends Indeed
I am so thankful to have such supportive friends and family. I had my farewell to maidenhood party last weekend and the girls all made me several pages of inspiration for my writing. It was really great. I haven't read them all yet, they will be bound into a book for me to read and get inspiration from. Very cool.
The weekend went perfectly. I had no expectations (no hints were given) and it was nice not to be in control. Challenging at times (I wanted to pick up dishes and kept deferring to everyone regarding decisions) but nice to be able to actually let go. We had yummy food (morrocan deliciousness and middle eastern, all from scratch, lunch), we made pages (I made a few pages for myself) for the book, then we went to paint pottery to bring back the idea of getting china for your wedding...I picked out a really easy glaze pattern (which we managed to screw up via the wrong layering of glaze) and I got two sushi plates, a charger, two seder holder things, and a bowl. It was all really nice. I loved it! We had the place to ourselves for the most part and despite the insecure, incompetent helper, it was great fun. I was happy to get some things that I'd be able to use. They sort of match our plates, even.
Then everyone split up and I went with Elise to her house and while she made dinner, I took a nap. Sometimes too much activity can be overwhelming (wait til the wedding, I remind myself) and that was GREAT. Then everyone got back together and we enjoyed an amazing meal cooked by Elise. All the while we were sharing stories, laughing, and I was actually relaxed.
Then we talked some more and Layla gave me an arm massage...whoa. So nice. It's great when my friends pamper me...it's a lot more powerful than simply going to a massage therapist and paying for the rub...friends bring a personal energy that I really value. Lauren rubbed my feet and legs and then gave me a pedicure. It was fabulous. I will remember to do that for my other friends as they celebrate special days.
We didn't go to sleep until about 3am and then at 7:15am I was wide awake again. The guys came over and made an amazing breakfast and we shared how our weekend went. It was truly the exact thing I wanted.
On a deeper level, during the grace over food that Elise did, I got a taste of the actual transition I am making in my life. Planning a wedding takes the spirit of it away a little as I get bogged down with details fairly easily. But when Elise asked God to guide me through this change in my life, I grounded and realized that this big move comes slowly and subtly but, make no mistake, is quite a big move in my life.
Being mostly independent for my whole life has made me get out of habit with regards to considering other people in my decisions, listening to others without judging, and truly seeing that another person may have a completely different view of life and yet it is just as legitimate as mine. Also, when I flip out and Josh wants to help, I need to let him sometimes. When I am going on about whatever and I am offered a respite, a moment to reflect, or a way to move through it, I am learning to take it, rather than push it away out of pride or anger or apathy. It's hard to learn those lessons. My upcoming marriage to Josh will provide many things I have not thought of or believed I would be able to get. I am joining a team that by definition is stronger than the individual. Choices and decisions, while they are still mine in many ways, now affect my new family. Things that took precedence before are changing their place in the priority order. A bit of grace goes a long way and it's strange to start learning humility and compassion not because it serves me, but because it serves the larger community I am joining and creating.
Seeing all our friends wish us well in our marriage this weekend, made me think harder about living in Europe. While I still want to birth our children there, I am less inclined to want to move permanently (the desire and the reality have always conflicted and this is a case where I can't just do what I want, when I want). Now I want to be there to have my kids, but I want to come home so that my kids know their family, biological and chosen. To be gifted with such supportive friends and family is the biggest gift of life and a village will truly help raise our children.
Commitment is a strange thing. It's not just a commitment to external, tangible things, either. It's a desire to let souls connect, hearts melt, and to feel truly connected, especially in times of pain and loss. It's easy to love your friends and family when you're having a good time and it's all going right...but the test is when you're feeling like shit and you can't get out of bed and you want to sit and eat all day...if you can still go to your friends, or they can come to you in those times, then you've got it made. And if those are the requirements, I got a good thing going.
I have one friend who lives in SF and I really miss her. But when I miss her, I call her now. I tell her stupid stories about nothing and I tell her when I am doing important things just to hear her supportive words or share the moment. And another friend lives in NC and I write her paper letters. I haven't done that in years, but we've been doing it for about a year and it's been great. I get physical, nostalgia-producing, love letters. Amazing. So distance doesn't mean a thing. It's an obstacle that can be overcome. So I am rethinking my Europe plan, trying to figure out how to visit more instead of move there...I go back and forth, but I want to pay attention to the shift I am going through regarding settling down, and committing to a community of loving friends and family.
The weekend went perfectly. I had no expectations (no hints were given) and it was nice not to be in control. Challenging at times (I wanted to pick up dishes and kept deferring to everyone regarding decisions) but nice to be able to actually let go. We had yummy food (morrocan deliciousness and middle eastern, all from scratch, lunch), we made pages (I made a few pages for myself) for the book, then we went to paint pottery to bring back the idea of getting china for your wedding...I picked out a really easy glaze pattern (which we managed to screw up via the wrong layering of glaze) and I got two sushi plates, a charger, two seder holder things, and a bowl. It was all really nice. I loved it! We had the place to ourselves for the most part and despite the insecure, incompetent helper, it was great fun. I was happy to get some things that I'd be able to use. They sort of match our plates, even.
Then everyone split up and I went with Elise to her house and while she made dinner, I took a nap. Sometimes too much activity can be overwhelming (wait til the wedding, I remind myself) and that was GREAT. Then everyone got back together and we enjoyed an amazing meal cooked by Elise. All the while we were sharing stories, laughing, and I was actually relaxed.
Then we talked some more and Layla gave me an arm massage...whoa. So nice. It's great when my friends pamper me...it's a lot more powerful than simply going to a massage therapist and paying for the rub...friends bring a personal energy that I really value. Lauren rubbed my feet and legs and then gave me a pedicure. It was fabulous. I will remember to do that for my other friends as they celebrate special days.
We didn't go to sleep until about 3am and then at 7:15am I was wide awake again. The guys came over and made an amazing breakfast and we shared how our weekend went. It was truly the exact thing I wanted.
On a deeper level, during the grace over food that Elise did, I got a taste of the actual transition I am making in my life. Planning a wedding takes the spirit of it away a little as I get bogged down with details fairly easily. But when Elise asked God to guide me through this change in my life, I grounded and realized that this big move comes slowly and subtly but, make no mistake, is quite a big move in my life.
Being mostly independent for my whole life has made me get out of habit with regards to considering other people in my decisions, listening to others without judging, and truly seeing that another person may have a completely different view of life and yet it is just as legitimate as mine. Also, when I flip out and Josh wants to help, I need to let him sometimes. When I am going on about whatever and I am offered a respite, a moment to reflect, or a way to move through it, I am learning to take it, rather than push it away out of pride or anger or apathy. It's hard to learn those lessons. My upcoming marriage to Josh will provide many things I have not thought of or believed I would be able to get. I am joining a team that by definition is stronger than the individual. Choices and decisions, while they are still mine in many ways, now affect my new family. Things that took precedence before are changing their place in the priority order. A bit of grace goes a long way and it's strange to start learning humility and compassion not because it serves me, but because it serves the larger community I am joining and creating.
Seeing all our friends wish us well in our marriage this weekend, made me think harder about living in Europe. While I still want to birth our children there, I am less inclined to want to move permanently (the desire and the reality have always conflicted and this is a case where I can't just do what I want, when I want). Now I want to be there to have my kids, but I want to come home so that my kids know their family, biological and chosen. To be gifted with such supportive friends and family is the biggest gift of life and a village will truly help raise our children.
Commitment is a strange thing. It's not just a commitment to external, tangible things, either. It's a desire to let souls connect, hearts melt, and to feel truly connected, especially in times of pain and loss. It's easy to love your friends and family when you're having a good time and it's all going right...but the test is when you're feeling like shit and you can't get out of bed and you want to sit and eat all day...if you can still go to your friends, or they can come to you in those times, then you've got it made. And if those are the requirements, I got a good thing going.
I have one friend who lives in SF and I really miss her. But when I miss her, I call her now. I tell her stupid stories about nothing and I tell her when I am doing important things just to hear her supportive words or share the moment. And another friend lives in NC and I write her paper letters. I haven't done that in years, but we've been doing it for about a year and it's been great. I get physical, nostalgia-producing, love letters. Amazing. So distance doesn't mean a thing. It's an obstacle that can be overcome. So I am rethinking my Europe plan, trying to figure out how to visit more instead of move there...I go back and forth, but I want to pay attention to the shift I am going through regarding settling down, and committing to a community of loving friends and family.
posted by Becca Campbell @ 11:25 AM
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