Time to recharge

I am working in a really nice law firm this week. It was my first temp job that I really enjoyed. Everyone is nice and patient and I really enjoy doing things that I don't normally do. I am a legal secretary for a short while...it's kind of thrilling...well, I think the thrilling part is when I have to do something in a short amount of time, having no prior experience doing it. It's interesting to learn about the law protocol, in terms of letter writing. Mostly, it's a lesson in office equipment and computer systems. I'm a bit sore from dancing, so the break is welcome. This law office doesn't get a lot of action via phones so my job is basically to format letters, email/fax them, file them away. Repeat. Not a problem for me.

I am finding that while I enjoy the income, I feel the struggle is in my personal congruity (congruence?). I do like doing different work, but I have to wonder (aloud, to myself) why is it I don't spend the time (intention?) really asking for what I want? I have two regular clients for housecleaning, occasional work (law office), hopping social life, etc., and yet I haven't really buckled down. Why is that? What should I buckle down to? Working on more clothes? Website to display clothes? Reiki practice (which has all but vanished...or at least gone dormant)? Jewelry? Furniture? I think retail is a tough thing in general, but if I have a strong intention, then shouldn't I be able to produce equally satisfying results? Of course the answer is yes. I should definitely be able to manifest what's inside me. After making a few items (that have been highly compliment..thanks!) I realize that it's not my lack of creativity, so what is in the way?

Let's talk to that voice:

Me: I've proven my creativity, made some clothing articles, and gotten compliments on them. Why can't I move forward?

The Voice: Because. You haven't...um...you're not...well, how are you going to sell the stuff?

Me: Well, first, I have to make more to wear (walking advertisement). Then maybe I can make a few items for friends so they can be walking advertising. Then I thought about a website: something simple but full of pictures. Maybe a listing on craigslist. Or ebay. Something just to whet the appetite and see if there's any interest. Maybe some awesome flyers at PCC, bulletin boards around town. The website a big one though...someplace where people can go to from a business card or postcard. Right, make postcards and business cards.

The Voice: Hmm, those all sound good. But you're not going to sell anything.

Me: Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I don't have to pay attention to that comment. If I let you tell me what I can and cannot do, then I will be living only part of my life...you are simply a voice, not my spirit or my intention.

The Voice: You don't have a very strong intention so I'm all you got at the moment.

Me: I beg to differ. My intention is to create comfortable, funky, unique clothing that expresses committed, socially responsible values, using recycled clothing and fabric.

The Voice: Weak. That was a good first try. But I'm not convinced. You're going to do the leg work, buy the clothes, and market it? Fat chance.

Me: Hmm. Okay. I take boring or out of fashion clothes that you already own and I spice them up so that you have new, affordable, funky clothes. What about that?

The Voice: Better. Nothing fancy, no stuffy language, simple sentence. What about, "I take your old clothes and make them new again?"

Me: Shorter, clearer. But how is unclear. Does it matter? Maybe not. I do tend to take things very seriously so I think I beat the fun out of the ideas. (Aha!)

The Voice: That's my job...I try to make it so that you aren't just "making clothes" but making a difference...what's the difference that makes a difference? (Thanks, Vlad) What's your angle? What's the thing only YOU do? Cause I can tell right now, you don't buy it either. I'm just here to make you more clear. Look to me as your editor. Sure, I want a book just like you do, but while you're off getting inspired, I'm here reading every word, making sure it fits, flows...and your book...or intention...or clothing, etc...is not calling my name very loud. So keeping clarifying it.

Me: ARGH. Good point. This is HARD. What does clothing represent? Why am I so obsessed with clothing? Why not something else? I spose I can dive deeper later...that was helpful. It's good to use The Voice...