Inspiration

I got up early!!!

I want to thank those of you who have read my blog and given me really important feedback. One email I got yesterday (I'm including an excerpt) was really inspiring. I really appreciate not having to work through things alone in my apt...art doesn't "happen" in a vacuum!
I'll try to keep people's stuff anonymous (unless they comment directly to the blog)...

"Can you wait until you really feel inspired?...i.e. not push it until then? And by the same token, let joy in whatever you are doing provide the energy and the inspiration for the next step. Even mundane things. Be as present in this moment without thinking about the next and you might find yourself at the end of the day having gotten just the right amount accomplished. Also, don't beat yourself up over this...that's just another way of avoiding being present. Be an amused and compassionate observer of your own eccentricities."

This is a GREAT point. Where am I going so fast that I need to be inspired RIGHT NOW? And can that even happen? Not really, I guess. Actually yesterday I spent quite a bit of time working on something that before felt really lifeless...I allowed myself some time to saturate and lo and behold, it ended up being fun and I've gotten farther on that than I did in the past few months!
The other great point was that beating myself up pulls me away from the present. Yikes. How easy it is to leave the Now, huh? And really, who wants to read a blog about me beating myself up everyday? Not me!

I also chatted with some other friends last night who told me some good things:

Get out of your own way.
Doh! All my chatter about this feeling like that and that over there supposedly because of this...just do it, woman!

Take the risk.
I have a few things I want to work on, but I am afraid of "messing them up." Well, there's no accomplishment if there's no risk.

Do the work for yourself and then you can look up later and see if anyone else likes it.
This is a tough one. Do the work for myself. Do what inspires ME. After all these years, it's like I am getting to know this new person (me) and finding out what I like, what moves me, what makes me tick. I really enjoy that concept, but it's always been hard for me to make new friends...or at least learn about intimacy with new friends.

You don't have to have had an education in art to be creative and artistic.
If this weren't the hardest thing to understand! I DID go to art school and I know how to do things, and still, I find that doesn't inform much of anything. It just allows me to gather supplies. :S This friend told me that he just enjoyed doing his art (music, drawing, song writing, etc) and found that he learned from that what he really liked and that allowed him to get to know what other people might like, but the initial emphasis was on what HE liked. Fascinating! Cause that takes the guesswork out...I find that I can easily get caught up in what other people MIGHT like before I realize that I have my own preference. I also find comfort in imitation, which isn't all that bad, but I am less likely to go out and come up with an idea on my own. And there's where the risk is...

Again, I really appreciate the kind words and the challenging words...I need them to reflect on what's happening.

On a different note, a part of this whole trip is that I am not working right now. That plays a huge part in my fear factor. We're talking about the sustainability of this and I know I had some protective energy this morning regarding going back to work. That's a good sign. An uncomfortable one, but a good one. It's hard for me to fight for myself, especially if I have the option of giving my energy away, but I think I realize that if I go back to work, then working becomes a way to escape this process. I want to set a public intention of finding ways to "work" creatively and making a living without having to compromise this special, and probably rare, time.

While I don't want to work for money alone, I am definitely open to occasional gigs: housecleaning, cooking some meals, laundry, making a commissioned piece, fill-in work, office assistance, Reiki, feng shui, etc. so that I can contribute without having to go back to 8 hours a day.

I wish I could show you what I am working on, but I will wait until I have given to its recipient. I think today though, after I trek out into the world, I might hit the sewing machine...and then maybe I'll show you THAT.

Oh, and I signed up for a Hip-Hop class today! I've been wanting to do that for a LONG time and now I'm signed up and ready to go! I've also looked into ecstatic dance (see links on the side) and I'm going to try to go to that once or twice a week too...I miss dancing!

Thanks again for being a great audience!