How can this be art?

How can this part of the process become artistic?
What do I need to start?

I read something interesting yesterday in Dan Millman's "Everday Enlightenment":

"If I never do my best, I can never fail, because I'll know I could have succeeded if I had really tried my hardest."

That's totally it. It's a paralyzing thought. Here I am, paralyzed! There's also something about people not really liking their gifts. It's ugly to even think about, but there it is.

What am I feeling?
Scared. Frustrated. Excited. Nervous. Expectant.

I spent all day on the computer, looking for jobs! Yikes. A friend came over to distract me (it was already too late to start anything) and I was thankful. I have an ink cartridge that is missing it's yellow, but I can't take it out because then I have no excuse not to print some stuff I need...the excuses. I feel like I am addicted to the excuses...they flow so easily. Can I be that comfortable with not-moving? Josh goes away in the morning and then I slip into this inertia.

Okay, I can't keep writing. I need to do stuff. Anything to keep the motion going. I think there is a part of me (ego) that likes the bon bon eating scene. If I don't risk, then I won't fail. I notice in others that there is an energy of carefreeness that I don't seem to have coming as easily. Spontaneity is not a natural talent of mine.

But I will stop writing and see what happens. Good music should help.